Perfect Replies You Can Tell To Telemarketers/ Unknown Numbers/ Random People (try at your own risk)

I’m never sure if I actually have free time or if I’m just forgetting everything I have to do…

But anyway, advice Dhriti is back…

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Say “Hold on,” then scream to a nonexistent person: “If you try to take the knife out, it’ll just hurt worse!

Burst into tears when money is mentioned.

Ask if the deal is good for all your personalities.

Tell them you’ll accept their offer if they can guess the color of your underwear.

Repeat everything they say in the form of a question.

“Shhh. Wait a minute. I’m here robbing the house. Whoa! I think the owners just got home. Can you hold?”

As soon as they identify themselves, say,
“You guys are still in business? Well, I guess the bomb has another 30 seconds” 😈

“I’m sorry, but I’m really busy right now. Give me your home number and Ill call you back later tonight.”

Tell them the restraining order applies to phone calls as well as physical distance.

Mutter: “Aww, damn. Not another one. The last Jehovah’s Witness almost got me the death penalty.

YELL “HANG UP THE PHONE!”

“First, you have to tell me what kind of underwear you’re wearing.”

“You want to sell me insurance? I’ve been trying to get insurance for years, but nobody will sell me any!”

To someone hawking a rug-cleaning service, whisper: Do you get goats blood out? How about identifiable fibers and that DNA stuff?

To a phone company solicitor: That sounds great! Wait, can you hold for a minute? (Leave the phone off the hook until he or she hangs up).

When a chimney sweep or rug cleaner calls, break into tears and sob, Is this some kind of a joke? My house burned down last night. We lost
everything!

🎶START SINGING IN THE WORST VOICE POSSIBLE🎶

Pretend you don’t speak English.

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When someone asks whether a spouse is at home: Yes, but I never allow her/him to talk to strangers.

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When someone asks how you are: Well, I’m having an existential crisis at the moment. Let me explain…

• Hiatus
• Starlight // Chapter 1
• The Artsy Contest ! (reblogged from writeflow)
• Thinking of changing my blog name…again + Art Dump
• My 13th Birthday!!!

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